I’m sorry Dad, but your viral sucks.

My dad doesn’t really understand what I do. He’s 64 (nearly 65) and no matter how many times explain the nuances of viral marketing, he still struggles. Or so I thought, until he shocked me by creating his very own viral ad for his company the Alarm Monitoring Company – a company that specialises in “monitored burglar alarms”.

Check out his viral efforts here – viral genius, or viral suck?

I think I can say for certain that it’s really not very good, and kinda backs up my theory that he doesn’t get what viral is (or rather doesn’t listen to me – a life-long gripe). Here’s my quick analysis of his efforts:

– OK, so the generally creative conceit isn’t too dreadful. The idea of promoting an alarm by showing it in action (burglars breaking in etc.) makes sense. (that’s the positives over and done)

– But, then we come to the narrative. I mean – sorry – what narrative??? Two blokes jump through a window, rummage around a bit, set the alarm off and run off with the beautifully scripted words “F*ck me, I’m off!.” Come on – I’ve seen better in episodes of Prisoner Cell Block H Sunset Beach.

– And then there’s the direction. I’m not quite sure how many takes it took to shoot (I hope one), but if you’re gonna allow two of your employees (sorry – actors) to spend time jumping through your home window in a not so convincing I’m-a-burglar-breaking-into-a house-way you may as well shoot it properly – otherwise you’re wasting everyone’s time – including the people who have to watch your sorry ad (me).

– And to cap it off, there’s the music. A bossa-nova keyboard version of Queen’s “Another one bites the dust”. This for me is the final nail in the viral coffin. I mean, why didn’t you go for the pan-pipe version??? Everyone knows Queen sound better in pan-pipe than bossa nova.

So there you go. As a founder of a viral marketing agency I’m ashamed of my father. PLEASE NEXT TIME LISTEN TO ME DAD AND DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME MAKING SUCH PAP IT MAKES ME ANGRY AND MAKES ME WANT TO TYPE IN CAPITALS.

Rant over. Back to work.